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trisha juliana lazaroo
8th november 1991
eurasian
catholic
Saturday, April 23, 2011 

Sometimes I wonder,
Does this not mean anything to you?
And I ponder,
Don't I mean anything to you?
 
And so I think over,
How do you do it?
How do you move on?
How do you not care?
 
I am holding on,
Holding on for dear life. 
But this cant be a one sided thing,
If not what's the point of trying. 
 
Even though it hurts,
I've sucked it up.
There's only so much I can take,
I've reached my maximum, the rest will be fake. 
 
Everything you've thrown at me,
I've taken it all.
There are bound to be times I fall,
Of which you just leave me be,
Instead of picking me up.
It crushes me, oh yes, it crushes me. 
 
I've tried,
Tried to change to make you happy
Tried to change to make us work. 
But it isn't enough. 
 
Nothing is enough.
Nothing is good enough.
Nothing I do is good enough.
I am not good enough. 
 
Things you don't do with me,
You do with them.
You make excuses when asked by me,
But you're obliging Tim when asked by them. 
 
After 6 years of asking you to go with me,
You make all sorts of excuses.
But the moment she asks you to go with her and her family,
You say a big YES.
And the picture wasn't pleasant,
Cos her boyfriend was missing,
And you were there to take his spot. 
And I think so far, this hurts the most.
You've really outdone yourself.
 
You told me you couldn't live without me. 
You said you love me.
You promised me always & forever.
Do you, did you mean it? Or were they all lies?
 
Do I come before your friends?
Cos I can't see it.
Am I the most important person in your life?
Cos I can't feel it.
 
Its sad how you can choose your friends over me. 
It hurts that you make them seem more important than me. 
It breaks my heart to know how little I mean to you.
And it breaks me to know that this 6 years meant nothing, nothing to you.
 
You said I'm square
And liked the smell of my hair.
But I'm not thinking squarely,
It's you who've crossed the line, undoubtedly. 
 
You made this an ultimatum,
Where its your way or the highway
I've given in all I can,
Yet it's still coming to an end.
 
What you don't know is that...
I want you
I want us
I miss you
I miss us
 
I'm willing to do anything to make this work,
But are you?
Cos now you're choosing your friends over me,
And its crushing me. 
 
And now, it hurts.
It really does.
But I would give anything up,
Just to be with you in your arms telling me we'll get through this...
 
Together.
Because we're always & forever.
Because we're Haley & Nathan.
Because we belong together.

Saturday, April 02, 2011

You know how much I hate that company. HATE, is the word. And yet, you're once again going back to them. We've had numerous fights about the work place and the people there, but time and again you go back there? What so good about that place? You work with bitches and assholes. Does that make it a good and cool working environment to work at?

Next, you've always said "the weekends are our time." and soon, you'll be working during weekends so I guess it won't be our time anymore and that you'll just work "our" weekends away. When I find part-time jobs, I try not to touch our weekends and find Monday to Friday jobs. But you don't bother at all. That time when I had to do my project during the weekends, you were not happy about it cos you said it took up our time and my group and I should have better managed our time. And now you are going to work all through the weekends. So when would you have the time to spend time/go out with me?

Last time you told me that you'd talk to me about this company, if you would ever go back and work for them again. But guess what?! Obviously you didn't even bother to mention it to me. I know we not be together now, but it would still be nice to be kept in the loop. When I had a job offer, I immediately told you about it. And now when you are going for an interview for this fucked up company, you don't even bother to let me know until I offered you to work with me tomorrow. You're just a screwed up asshole. And to think that I was really hoping that we'd get back together but now with "that" back in the picture, I don't think we'll be able to work out.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

It's been close to a year since I've last blogged. Well, I just really need to vent everything out. How I wish someone would be there to listen to me go on and on and on and give valid advice. Oh well.

It's frustrating how you are so picky and choosy with food. If that's the case, then I'll be the one suffering considering that I eat practically everything and you, the fussy pot, don't. Wherever I wanna eat at, I have to crack my head to see if there is something that you would eat there. And if there is nothing that you like at that place, I would just have to give in and go to a different eatery of which caters to you and adapt to find something different to eat, despite whatever cravings I may have. Now when I type it out, it sounds childish, silly and petty, but that's how I feel.

Another thing is you are so ungrateful. I wanted to treat you to dinner for passing, however when I suggested the place we were gonna eat at, you wanted to eat somewhere else. I mean I was the one paying and I thought you would like that place considering you always talked about bringing me to a restaurant of such. I even decided what to order prior to telling you where we were going. Eventually, you didn't even want to eat dinner.

To add on, we have been arguing over the same topic over and over again for months! When will it ever stop? I'm so sick and tired of hearing the same argument over and over again.

You always ask me "what have you done for this relationship?" Well, I can tell you that I've done things in this relationship in order for it to stay afloat. Unlike you, I do not talk about these things which I do for the relationship openly. And when the going gets tough, you just tell me that you can't take it anymore? Oh please, I'm the one who can't take this shit anymore, but I just suck it up and continue working for this relationship. You know what, just forget it.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

I am so frustrated. I mean all I want is for you to notice me, notice my achievements, notice me basically. I just want your approval. Any yet, it is so difficult to give that to me. When I do well in something, I just want you to acknowledge it, to show me that I did good, that you took notice. But you don't even comment on it.

Currently, I think that the both of you are ridiculous. Yall are over reacting. I am not in the wrong in this case, you guys are the ones who owe me an apology. Okay, maybe I do need to apologize as well, but so do yall. Everything I do is wrong, whereas everything they do is correct. "Wow look she has a stable job, a boyfriend who can drive, her own car." Fuck just stop it already will you! We are not them and we can never ever be them. So just stop comparing and hinting and just face the fact that we are who we are and can never ever be them.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

I hate the fact that we are drifting apart. At first, I admit, I was insecure and screwed up. However after thinking about oth, I felt much better and felt stupid. But after that, you were feeling down and I had no idea why. I already told you that I wasn't insecure, but you still weren't happy.

I hate the fact that we ended the week as such. And now, I am only able to see you next weekend. I have a feeling that this situation would be much worse come next week.

I hate the fact that we are suffering from a lack of communication. I feel like I've not spoken to you in a long time. Due to this lack of communication, we are drifting apart.

I hate this.

Monday, April 05, 2010

Gosh am I tired. This is one of those times when I overthink things. My mind just tends to wonder and think of the 'what if'. Not the good 'what if' but the bad 'what if'. At times, I just detest myself for thinking as such, for feeling as such. Its just the stupid side of me putting things in my head making me feel afraid. Afraid of the bad 'what if' actually coming true. I won't be able to stand there watching the bad 'what if' unfold right in front of my eyes. Its unbearable. If the situation arises, I won't be able to look at you the same again.

Well, eventually this emotional phase of my night will pass and just know that I trust you.

P.S.: I really hate myself for feeling this way.

Saturday, March 20, 2010


I love you Baby boy!
Get well soon!
Take care of your nose, afterall you just went for a nose job. HAHAHA!!! :)